So, I’m currently on a mission to seriously chip away at my TBR shelf. It’s getting out of hand, guys, and I’m no longer allowed to buy books until I read the ones I have (I am, of course, still reading ARCs and new releases because your girl is not missing the next in the Fourth Wing series). Anyway, all that to say I’ve been meaning to read this book since high school. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m happy to say that I’ve finally read it. 

To get to the review part of this, I really really love The Way I Used to Be. It was heart breaking. It was real. It made me so angry. It made me want to change the world. That’s what I was kind of hoping to find here. 

I’ve read a lot of books about assault. Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf, Speak, Asking for It, Tell Me Everything. Honestly, you name it, I’ve probably read it. The obsession came with wanting to understand motives, but I think I’m finally coming to the realization that I will never understand someone’s motives for committing such a horrible crime. Exit, Pursued by a Bear made me realize that even more. 

Hermoine, our MC, is kind of lackluster in terms of standout qualities. She’s not overly emotional. She’s not shutting down. She’s more of just… continuing on as if it never happened? I know in the book it was written off as her not feeling like it actually happened to her, but I feel like there would still be more trauma there. Because to me, it felt like she was internalizing everything in a very unhealthy way. Polly, however, was the shining light in all of this. Polly was the “takes nothing from no one” best friend who stood by Hermoine in everything. Even Polly seemed like the assault impacted her more than it impacted the actual victim. But enough about the bad stuff because this book had a lot of good stuff, too. 

The plot itself was very easy to follow and went smoothly throughout the entire thing. We had our clear beginning, our clear middle, and a very clear ending. The only thing I didn’t like about the plot was how neatly everything wrapped up. In all honesty, this seemed like an idealistic tale of best scenarios in a case like Hermoine’s. When I hear about stories like hers, the outcome is always much worse and has much more in terms of healing. 

So, things I liked:

• Polly
• The cheerleading (it was super fun to see it as a competitive sport since I don’t have much background in that)
• The support Hermoine receives
• The harsh light that’s put on victim-blaming (there were a lot of scenes where power was returned to the survivor and I absolutely loved that)
• The ending (it was kind of like I loved that it was so neat and tidy, but I also hated it)

Things I didn’t like:

• The lack of emotion in Hermoine
• All of the other underdeveloped characters
• The idealism (like I said, it all felt very “best case scenario”)
• The ending (see above)

Overall, this isn’t the best book I’ve read with assault as the main problem in the book (The Way I Used to Be definitely holds that title), but it isn’t the worst either. I don’t think it’s portrayed in an unhealthy way, just not in a realistic way, but I have never been through what Hermoine went through, so these are purely opinionated thoughts on the book. Solid 3.5 out of 5 stars rounded up for all the social platforms.

Source: Personal Copy

(P.S. You can read this book for free by signing up for a free trial of Audible, which gives you two free audiobooks of your choice!)